Scars Unseen
by lovbooks005
Summary: "Every second I'm not at home, I feel safe," "Why do you say that?" She looked at him and gave a weak smile. "Because it's true," Alyssa had many secrets. But if she vaules her life, she"ll keep them hidden. If it weren't for that pesky Eaton boy, she would have gotten away with them. (OCxOC) (Mentions of Fourtris) Rated T because I'm cautious. Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent
1. Chapter 1

I wipe the bead of sweat from my forehead, as do a few others. The shiny black that everyone wears reflects the sunlight as we ride the train to the Hub. "We're jumping!" Someone, an older member, yells, hitting a button to open the doors. Everyone jumps off immediately, but I stay behind to get a better dismount. So does Damien Eaton, a boy also choosing his future today.

He jumps before me, and I'm glad because I don't think he noticed me staring at him. My cheeks burn furiously and I jump out the car, onto the pavement. I feel a burning sensation on my elbow and see my sleeve has rolled up. Quickly, I pull it down to my wrist grasping the end of it out of habit. I stand and brush the blonde hair out of my green eyes, walking to the end of the line where most sixteen year Olds stand, waiting eagerly to enter the doors.

A horn blared in another direction, and I look back seeing the next train of Dauntless have arrived. I watch in admiration as they jump with no hesitation. Unfortunately, as I kept walking, I bump into someone and stumble over, falling to my knees. As I look up I see Damien, with shame in his blue-gray eyes.

"So-sorry, m-m- my f- fault," I stutter. He nods and looks at the back of the person's head in front of him. Usually for a Dauntless you don't really stutter, but I'm not your average Dauntless Born. I stick out, and not I'm the good way.

I stand up and look to the left and notice people in different clothing. Red and yellow for the Amity. Black and white for the Candor. Blue for the Erudite. Black for the Dauntless, and then there's Abnegation, grey.

I have lived my whole life with curiosity for them. The way they're organized and in order. Quiet and shy. But I adore their politeness and ability to act selfless on the spot. Sometimes I wonder if it's hard being selfless all the time. I've heard very little things about them, and it's very rare for someone to act selfish, let alone switch factions.

Someone behind nudges me with their elbow, and I jolt forward into the vast air. I look and see Damien has moved up a few feet.

That's the difference between me and normal Dauntless: they're eager to choose their destiny, but I daydream about Abnegation.

More and more people move up in the line, and soon, I'm in the Hub, running up the stairs along other Dauntless, wanting to stop and catch my breath, but I don't. It's and long way to the top floor and if I stop now, I won't continue.

Relieved, I burst through the doors into a large room, with seats in one side, and a separate space for the bowls on the other side. The Dauntless are he first to arrive, with exception of some Abnegation who volunteered to get the preparations ready for the ceremony.

The crowd in black sits in the section closest to the exit, our designated area. My last name is Hayes, so I'll be called toward the ending.

The calling goes in reverse alphabetical order, starting with Z and ending in A. This gives me more time to think about my decision, which, I am thankful for.

Soon, the room is filled with different colors and everyone is in their seats. An Erudite man with brown hair walks to the center of the stage.

"Today is the day these children will become part of the permanent society," He began. "We trust that you choose your own choice, not based off your Aptitude result, but what you think would be the right decision. Good luck and remember: Faction before blood. Susan Black will call the names." He motions toward a woman wearing a gray dress and silky blonde hair tied into a bun.

"Thank you, Caleb." The woman, Susan, smiles. "Now let us begin the ceremony. Starting in reverse alphabetical order, Adam Zayn."

A Candor boy walks up to the bowls and grabs the knife. I see him cringe as he presses the blade to his skin. He holds his hand over a bowl and lets his blood drip.

"Erudite," Susan informs.

Applause emerges from the Erudite sextion, but gasps and whispers erupt from the Candor, and I can't blame them. He's the first transfer, with many others to follow. The boy walks to his new family, and they friendly clap him on the back.

"Kayla Williams," An Amity girl grabs the knife and cuts his palm. She let's her blood fall into a bowl. "Amity," The Amity clap for their member who chose to stay. This is how it goes on for the next hour or so.

But the aptitude test makes it easier for them. Because they only got one result. But my decision is far more complex. The person who tested me, Robert, an Amity man, told me to put deep thought into my choice. I got all five factions. He said that was unheard of. And that scares me.

"Alyssa Hayes," Susan calls. I freeze. All eyes are on me.

Gulping, I stand up and walk over the legs that keep me trapped in the middle of the row. As a joke, someone almost trips me. Miraculously, I've made it to the center of the room.

Susan smiles at my clumsiness as I almost trip myself, and she gestures to the shiny blade next to the Erudite bowl. I shake as I pick it up, and look at my reflection using it. Taking a deep breath, I make a slanted line the size of my pinkie finger alone the palm of my hand, I don't even feel the pain.

I have to grab the hem of my shirt to keep my other hand from shaking, and making a mistake. My hand moves over the coals.

But then I think of the people I've been interested in for so long. Their manners, their selflessness, it's beautiful.

But before I can change my mind, the coals sizzles as my blood falls in the bowl. "Dauntless."

The Erudite man who made the speech hands e a cloth and bandage. I carefully wipe the gash then lay the bandage over it, playing with it as I walk back to my seat.

Most Dauntless are still clapping, but it soon dies down and they continue the ceremony. I glance one more time at the gray clothed people, but then look at my bandage.

How are you supposed to know you made the right choice, when all you feel is nothing?

The answer is simple: you don't.


	2. Chapter 2

The Dauntless exit first, with blood pumping through every vein in our body. The transfers- especially the one Abnegation girl- run unsteady down the steps, and if I weren't clothed in black from head to toe, I would look like a transfer myself.

Someone shoves into me from behind, and I go forward, stumbling a bit, but manage to catch my balance. My legs burn as I run faster, determined to climb onto the platform before the train leaves. Once I reached the pillars that hold up the rail road, I begin to climb after a pink haired Dauntless Born. It takes a while; I'm not exactly the strongest Dauntless.

I push myself up onto the platform, grunting and using all my strength. Someone puts a hand in front I my face, and I grab onto it. They pull me up, and as I turn to thank them, nobody is there.

"Ugh!" I look down and see the Abnegation girl. It looks like she's dangling. I reach down.

"Grab my hand!" I yell and she looks up at me, confusion written over her face. But nonetheless, she grabs my hand, and I pull her up, straining my muscles. As scrawny as she is, it's not exactly easy helping her.

She lets out a shaky yet relieved breath as she stands next me. Strands of black curly hair frame her face, insisting they escaped from her bun. She dusts herself off and stands up straight. "If I had known I was signing up for death, I would've poured my blood on the dirt," She says.

"Welcome to Dauntless," I joke. "I'm Alyssa,"

She looks behind me before saying, "Miranda." She looks to the side when the ground rumbles beneath our feet. "What's that?" Miranda asks shakily.

"It's the train," I tell her, cracking my knuckles.

"We have to jump onto it?!"

"Don't worry," I laugh. "Just follow me and grab the handle. Then I'll pull you in. It's a little easier then it looks," Some tension disappears from her face.

"Start running!" Someone yells as the train is a few yards away.

All at once, everyone breaks out into a sprint, and Miranda tries to follow them, but I put a hand in front of her to stop her. She shoots me a questionly look.

"If we run with them, we might get shoved off the platform. Plus, they all go for the front cars, the last one has less people," I explain. I wait a few seconds before the third car passes us and I yell, "Run!"

Using all my strength, I run like my life depends on it (which it sort of does it you think about it) and I force myself not to look back. As much as I hope Miranda makes it through, I can't risk becoming Factionless for her.

But after I use the handle and swing myself unto the last car, I see Miranda reaching for the handle. Just as the platform ends and theirs nothing beneath her feet, Miranda fingers curl around the handle, and she shrieks and the wind slaps her face.

Quickly coming to realization, I grab her arm and pull her in.

She breaths heavily and leans against the wall. I rests my hands on my knees and pant. After I remembered we almost died, I start laughing. She looks at me like I am crazy, but I can't stop laughing.

"W - we almost died!" Miranda says.

"I know!" I giggle and my laugh died down.

"I don't think I'll ever understand Dauntless, even if I make it through initiation." She says quietly.

"You'll learn to laugh after any encounter with death soon."

"Move it, Outsider!" Someone yells and pushes me.

I would've fallen out the train if I didn't put my hands out. I turn around and see Chelsea, a Dauntless Born who torments me reguarly.

I roll my eyes and she struts across the train with her several shadows following and whispering about me. As if too annoy me, she grabs Damien shoulder and smashes her lips to his, oblivious to the conversation he was having.

Miranda turns to me. "What's that all about?" She asked quietly.

"I should've told you sooner. I'm an outcast."

"So?" She doesn't understand.

"So if you are seen talking to me, you'll get harassed too. Don't you get it?"

"Who cares what they say?"

"Wish it were that easy," I whisper.

. . .

"We have to jump," I explain, as I hear whoops and shouts of excitement.

"Off the train?" Her eyes grow wide with fear.

"It's easy, just, start from back there," I gesture to the back of the car. "And run. As you get to the edge, jump."

"Are they trying to get us killed?"

"I've done this a thousand time and the worst injury I've had was a broken arm. You'll be fine. Get ready."

Most of the people in our car jump, and two almost fall off the roof. I find it amusing, but don't say anything.

Damien jumps with his friends, as does Chelsea. Being the prodigies they are, all of them land on their feet.

I glance at Miranda, who is quaking with horror. "Be brave,"

My feet move quickly, and I press off the edge and mumble a prayer. As thrilling as that was, I have to admit I was scared. A miracle happened, and I landed on the rolling around on the concrete. I head a yelp beside me, and see Miranda laying a few feet from me and groaning.

I chuckle and dust myself up, walking over to her and reaching out a hand. She grabs it and flicks rubble off her gray dress.

"Gather around!" I hear a voice boom, and I see Uriah, a leader, standing on the edge of the roof where many Dauntless and initiates are standing. Me and Miranda walk calmly next to everyone, but stand on the sidelines.

"I'm very surprised that most of you have made it this far." Cheers erupt from the Dauntless and fists punch the air. "But the fun is only beginning. Now, before I explain more, why don't we tests everyone's bravery?"

"What do you mean?" A Candor speaks up.

"Any volunteers to jump over?" Uriah wears a playful smile. As if on cue, everyone grows silent.

"What's at the bottom?" Someone yells.

"Find out for yourself."

Nobody speaks.

Finally, as if he were prepared for this moment, Damien simply says, "Me,"

No surprise there.

The crowd clears at path for Damien, and he nervously climbs onto the ledge.

"Let's make this fast, kid. I have at hot date tonight," Uriah says.

Damien smiles and rolls his eyes, playfully punching him. Then, he just drops. No screaming, no cheering. Just the wind as it waits to carry the next victim off the roof into uncertain doom.

One by one, everyone jumps off the roof. Miranda was the seventh to go. And I'm not too far behind her.

After I fall, which seemed liked eternity as I built up enough strength to throw myself over a ledge into a black hole, I felt something hold my body, and entangled my fingers in the holes.

A net.

I fell onto a net.

A humorous laugh escapes me, and I feel the weight of others pulling me off of it. Hands grasp my body which makes me feel uncomfortable. Finally, after I've rolled off, I meet the doe brown eyes of Miranda. "I was waiting for you, patiently." She smirks.

"Yeah your screams of terror made that clear."

She rolls her eyes and tugs on my arm excitedly, dragging me over as we wait for the rest of the group to jump. Once they do, Uriah falls onto the net like a little kid. "Love doing that!" He shouts enthusiastically.

"Now," He begins when he's on solid ground. "Initiation, if it wasn't clear before, is only beggining. I'm Uriah, for those who don't know me, and am a faction leader. I'm not responsible for you so let me introduce who is! In this corner, the man with no sensitive side, who's name is a number, the big bad, Four!" Everyone cheers and Four raises his eyebrows and Uriah, crossing his arms and fighting a smile.

"And in this corner, the girl who's as tough as nails-"

"Lynn," Said trainer simply says, making Uriah pout.

"You're no fun!" He walks away.

"I'll be training the transfers. Considering you have no clue where you'll be living, I'll show. Follow me," Four says, and Miranda nervously smiles.

The transfers follow him, all wearing colors besides black. "Wish me luck," Miranda says, as she begins to walk away.

"Just try not to get killed," I advise.

"Thanks for the encouraging speech." She mutters, and follows the other transfers.

"Now, you guys are now my resppnsibility. So if you end up getting me in trouble, I will have you thrown in the factionless. You guys don't need a tour, I'm assuming, and can live with your families. But will need to be at the training room at eight o' clock tomorrow morning. There will a banquet in your honor, but don't get too full of yourselves." She dismisses us with a wave of her hand, and full of excitement, everyone scatters.

I look down, suddenly insecure and and walk, bumping into someone. I look up and see Damien.

"Sorry," I mumble.

"It's okay, Alyssa."

"Damien!" Chelsea calls, and he smiles, running to her and embracing her.

I sigh, and walk a long and peaceful walk to my apartment. But I wish I didn't have too.

I wonder if miraculously, one day it will be better. Everyone says, today will be better then yesterday, but it's all the same. My hope is slowly wavering, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

As soon as I walk through the doors, I hear shouting, and run toward it, bursting into a room with a green door. "Stop!" A girl cries.

"Stop, leave her alone!" A boy shouts.

He shoves the boy, sending him flying. Angrily, he shakes the girl and smacks her. I can't stand it. "Peter, stop! Put her down!"

I claw at his back, but it does no good. I might as well not try. But, still I punch his arm, and he drops her. "Ahh!" I scream as his hand collides with my cheek, and I fall to the floor. "Brian," I pant. "Get Emily out of here,"

I don't have to say anymore. He helps her off the floor and they walk out the door. I wait until I hear a door close before attempting to stand up. But as I do, a hit forces me back down. I grunt, and fall on my back. He kicks me in the ribs. I groan. He grabs a handful of hair and leans in close to my face.

"I'm not telling you again, you do what I say, I'm the parent here!" He yells at me, before throwing me to the floor, and walking out the door.

I curl into a ball and cry endless tears, wanting to be dead.

As much as I don't want it to be true, it is.

Peter Hayes is my father.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up startled, by a clash of thunder. Storms rarely happen here, but when the do, it's not that serious. My head pounds, and I sit up slowly, clutching my head. Using the wall for support, I stand up. I walk out the room leaning on the wall as I walk out the door.

I walk up to a room, knocking quietly on the door twice, then once. It's opens to pair of frightened blue eyes. I groan at the pain, and push him aside gently as I walk in and close the door behind me. "Are you okay?" I ask.

He nods.

"Where's Emily?" My eyes scan the room as I search for her. Brian points a ball on the bed, a blanket draped over it. A sigh escapes my mouth, and I strut over to the bed, kneeling next to it, the quilt having red floral prints with a black background. I lift the red blacked up a little, seeing Emily asleep with her thumb in her mouth.

I smile a little. "Alyssa,"

"Yes, Brian?"

"I'm hungry."

"Okay," I breathe shakily, letting the blanket slip from my fingers. I shut my eyes as intense pain fills my head when I stand up too quickly. "Okay," I whisper.

"I'll wake her up," Brian volunteers, shaking Emily. She whimpers under the cover, but doesn't wake.

"I'll get some food," My hand meets the doorknob, and I swing it open, leaving it open a crack as I walk into the kitchen.

I feel nauseous as soon as I step in. Empty beer bottles lay everywhere- some are severed leaving bits of glass places- ashes from cigarette are scattered on the carpet, and, much to my dismay, particles of under clothes that belong to Peter's 'friends' that needed a place to crash.

After a short debate in my head, I decide anything in the kitchen is probably mixed with alcohol; so I made a plan to take them to the cafeteria, before taking them to the train tracks for school.

"Get dressed," I say after walking back into the room, seeing a half awake Emily yawning. Her hair goes in all directions, brown curls covering her eyes. She pushed them out of her face. "I don't want to go to school today," She whispers.

"I already let you guys miss a day this month. People are gonna think something's wrong. And I'm taking you guys to the cafeteria, so you have ten minutes."

Brian perks up and dashes out into his room, I assume. Emily follows groggily, her bare feet walking down the hallway. When they leave, I take off my shirt, replacing it with a long black sleeve. I tie my hair up, but some blonde curls strands fall out, and I push them, behind my ear.

As I stand in front of the mirror, my fingers graze my bruise, and I flinch, pulling back. Great. Now I'm going to show up with this black eye on the first day of initiation. Initiation. "Crap," I mutter.

I have to be at the training room at eight. The train for school doesn't come until 8:15. I'm screwed.

"Lyssa," I hear someone. Emily stands in the doorway wearing a hot pink shirt and a black skirt. Of course, she wears fingerless gloves that go up to her elbow and she wears leggings under the skirt, covering any visible bruises or cuts but not covering enough to make people suspicious.

Emily looks the same as always, except her dark mane that seems to have grown. I chuckle and motion her toward me. She does, and using a brush, I pull all that hair into a braid. "Where's Brian?" I ask as I tie the end.

"Waiting outside." She says nonchalantly, bringing the braid over her shoulder.

"Let's go." I say, pushing her out the room. She grabs her backpack that I didn't even know she had brought in, and I usher her threw the living room. "Who's that?" She points behind the sofa, where a half naked red head sleeps.

"No one!" I put my hand on the side of her eyes to prevent her from seeing any more that she needs too.

Brian taps his foot impatiently outside the apartment. "You didn't tell me you had to be at the training room at eight o'clock. " He arches a dark eyebrow.

"You didn't tell me you were a spy," I taunt back, but he keeps a serious face. I sigh. "I'll take you guys,"

"You'll be late for initiation!" Brian says.

"I know."

"Why don't we just ask Nat to take us?" Emily says quietly.

"She's busy." I murmur.

Just then, a blonde head pops out the door next to our apartment. "You guys do know I can head everything your saying?" She smiles.

"Stalker," I sing.

"Well, it's 7:30," Nat glances at her watch, stepping out of the apartment and closing the doors. "Let's go to the cafeteria." She claps her hands together.

The twins cheered.

"What happened to your eye?" She says, and it takes me a while to figure out she was talking to me.

"Oh, I kind of tripped on my way back home from the jump." I lie. But knowing how stubborn I am, she let's it go.

"Well, let's go." Nat starts walking down the hallway.

"Uh, Nat?" I stop her, smirking.

"Yeah?" She turns around.

"You wanna change?"

She looks down as if she just realized she was wearing pajamas, and laughed a little. Nat looked back up at me and said, "Who am I trying to impress?"

I roll my eyes, and follow her and the twins to the cafeteria.

. . .

Me and Brian sat down on opposite sides at the table. He stared at his food, then began to grab his sausage and wrap it in his pancake. He takes a bite, and I cringe. "What?" He asks, with a mouthful of food.

"You're weird,"

"No," He swallowed. "Before the war, people ate it like this too. I read it in a book."

I smile. "Did you read about the boy who read to much and his brain exploded?"

"No, what's the book called-oh. . ." Realization slowly dawned on him, and I laughed.

Emily and Nat sat down on different sides of us, with plates full of breakfast food. They dig in immediently, and I stare in envy as they are able to eat. I push my plate away, hoping no one would notcie. No one ever does.

"Where'd you guys go?" I ask them. "You weren't behind us when we went to the line."

"Talk to my friend. Emily followed," Nat explained and scooped a spoonful of scrambled eggs in her mouth.

"Oh," I say.

"Excited for initiation?"

"Huh? Oh, I guess. It doesn't matter, I'm not going to make it,"

She swallows a bite of toast before saying, "Bet?"

"Bet,"

Someone sits next to me, and at first I think it's a drunko who still can see butterflies after drinking some special drink they sell, but it turns out to be Damien Eaton. "Hey, sis," He tells Nat.

Oh, yeah.

Nat is Damien's older sister.

And their parents are the legendary Four and Tris.


	4. Chapter 4

"Ugh!" Nat exclaims. "What are you doing here?"

"Ugh! What are you doing here?" The twins mock, and burst into a fit of giggles.

Damien grins. "I can't visit my sister without a reason?"

Nat scoffs. "Not if your name is Damien Eaton,"

I pull my plate back slightly, feeling the need to do something other than fiddle with my fingers. Keeping my head down, I stab my food with my fork. In my mind, the eggs beg for mercy, but I seem to hate them the most; they don't look like scrambled eggs after I'm done with them.

As I glance up for a moment, everyone is looking at me expectantly. "What?" I say

"Damien asked you a question," Brian explains, mixing ketchup- have no idea where he got it from- in his eggs.

"Huh?" I'm a little confused. When's the last time he ever talked to me?

"Why didn't you go to the banquet dinner last night?" Damien asks casually.

Oh, no. I forgot all about that. I guess after Peter knocked me out yesterday, I slept through the whole night. "Um, I forgot." Another lie.

"They didn't check for the initiates, did they?" I continued.

"No." He shook his head.

"Oh."

"How could you forget one of the most important day of initiation?" Nat laughs.

"It's a dinner, Nat. We're not meeting the Dauntless leaders." I defend.

"How could you forget still?"

Me, Brian, and Emily exchange worried looks. "I was tired, and I fell asleep." I say, and shrug my shoulders. "It happens,"

"Whatever," She says, but still smiles.

Damien checks his watch and says, while standing up, "It's almost 8:00, we got to go." I push myself up and kiss the kids' heads.

"Please be good for Nat." I beg them.

"When aren't we?" Emily jokes, and giggles.

I roll my eyes and scratch my head. They do the same, letting me know they won't tell anyone what happens in the house. I smile and turn to Nat. "You're a lifesaver,"

"I know," She says sweetly, and I chuckle and turn around.

Damien already left to initiation, which doesn't surprise me. I don't know why I expected him to wait for me. It's a shame when you let your hopes get too high.

. . .

"Line up, initiates!" Lynn yells. We scatter and stand in a line. But I stand more off to the side. She walks in front of us, making me more nervous.

"As you know, first day in initiation is combat. Don't worry, you pansycakes won't get graded on this. We want to see where you are at, so I'll give you a few minutes to practice." Nobody moves, and she yells, "You're wasting time!"

Immediently, we scramble around the small training room, half beating a worn out punching bag and the others find a partner and practice punches and kicks. The Dauntless Born know combat and what to expect during initiation. We learned most of the rules in Faction History at school, so we have an advantage while the transfers waste the first day learning the information. You learn all about your faction's initiation even if you plan to transfer.

"Okay, pair up!" Our instructor claps her hands and everyone stands next to a partner.

We have an even amount this year-eight- so, as everyone puts it, "There's one unlucky sucker who will get stuck will the outcast".

Surprisingly, Chelsea stands next to me and gives me a smile as if we were friends forever. All the initiates gawk, even Lynn, and I turn around, making sure there wasn't anyone behind me.

"Um," Lynn says, still dumbfounded. "I guess we'll start. Damien, James; on the mat."

Needless to say, it was close, but Damien won. Before they walked off the mat, Damien had James pinned and held a fist in the air. James had winced, waiting for the impact, but then they burst out laughing and Damien rolled off of James.

Two more rounds, and then Lynn says, "Chelsea and Alyssa, positions."

Shakily, I life up my elbows. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. _It'll be okay, _I tell myself. _You'll be okay. It will all end well._ As soon as I open my eyes, Chelsea throws a punch, hitting me square in the jaw.

Never let your guard down. Got it.

As I let my elbows fall a bit, I remember a tip Four gave another initiate during practice a few years ago that I overheard. Manipulate your opponet. Got it.

Chelsea uses all her strength to punch me in the shoulder, and I try to make it seem like I don't fall intentionally. "If it's one thing you want to do," Four had said. "Is make your opponent see you fragile. They won't use much force if they see you as no threat."

As Chelsea struts toward me, I grab her ankle and pull it toward me, knocking her off her feet. She's startled for a moment, I can tell that. For a second, I think I have shot at winning this. But she crawls on top of me and pins me to the ground. Lynn stops the fight with, "That's enough. Great job, Chelsea. Alyssa, try harder next time."

The winner of this match smirks and flips her purple hair, walking toward her friends, obviously impressing them.

I sit up and heave strand of blonde hair out of my face.

Never except defeat. Got it.

. . .

"Hey," I turn when I hear the familiar voice.

Miranda looks odd. Her Abnegation clothes are replaced by black. Her raven hair falls against her shoulders and her doe brown eyes stick out. I'm shocked by how Dauntless she looks.

"You look. . ." I begin, trying to find the right words.

"Strange?" She says with a smile, awkwardly fiddling with her fingers.

"_Brave,_"

Miranda laughs tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well that's not what the transfers think; there's this one guy who hates me."

"Abnegation tend to beat everyone. Trust me, I've seen it." I say.

She stopped me right outside the cafeteria, so I'm hoping we aren't too late for cake. "Have you tried the cake yet?"

"Uh," She answers nervously. "I haven't really eaten. All this stuff looks foreign to me."

"Right," I push the doors open and walk in. "What did the Abnegation eat?" Somehow I always manage to stir the conversation towards the Abnegation.

"Plain food; Mostly chicken, potatoes, and greens."

Miranda reaches for a plate as we stand in line.

"No pizza?" I joke.

"What's pizza?" She asks with curiousity.

"I feel very sorry for you," I say gently. I take a slice as an example. Cheese, my favorite. "This is pizza. It's bread, sauce, and cheese." I carefully explain, saying the words slowly to annoy her.

"I'm a Stiff, Alyssa. Not an idiot." Miranda mumbles and I laugh.

She uncertainly take a hamburger, and I sigh. Grabbing a bottle of ketchup, I squeeze some on her burger, and she eyes me unsteadily. "Trust me. It tastes better."

At the end of the line, there are four slices of chocolate cake and twelve of vanilla. I grab a vanilla one, the chocolate never satisfied me. "You might like the chocolate one better," I tell Miranda as she watches me. "It's more popular."

She tastes my advice and we walk to a table. The table I share wih Nat and the kids. No one else ever sits there, and I'm surprised. It's a good distance between the exit and the food line. As we sit, I push my plate to the side, taking small bites of my cake first. Miranda instantly digs in after her first bite of the hamburger, and I laugh.

"How long has it been since you've eaten?" I taunt.

She scowls and stuffs her face in the cake. "All my life I've ate plain food, let me enjoy this while I can,"

I'm about to ask her what she means, but I realized I'm not the only one who has doubts about passing initiation.

"How's training?" I ask, to brake the silence.

"Hard. Today we learned new punches and how to manipulate your opponent and so on," She said, irritated. "Our instructor scares me. A lot,"

"Not that I'm ruling against you, but I actually used Four's method of manipulating your opponent today."

"And did you win?" Miranda asks, looking at me.

"Almost," my voice squeaks.

"See?" She shouts, chugging down a glass of some warm, brown liquid. After she swallows, Miranda groans in digust and stares into the cup. "What is this?"

"I don't know," I shrug. "And I can help you with training. Whatever I know about combat anyway."

"Yeah, you seem different from the other Dauntless Born. Also, I didn't walk to bring it up, but what happened to your eye?" Her eyes glimmer with wonder, as if she's never seen anyone with a black eye before.

Well, she was a Stiff.

"Got shoved and fell down," I lie nonchantly, averting my eyes away from her. "Happens more often than you think."

Miranda nods, before saying, "That's. . . ."

Crazy? Insane? Selfish?

"_Fascinating,_" She breathes.

I squint my eyes before answering, "You're weird,"

"Anyway, thanks for the pep talk." Miranda stands up. "But I got to get back. Don't you?"

My head shakes. "Dauntless Born only have to train in the morning,"

"Unfair," She pouts. "Throw my tray away? Thanks," Miranda walks away without waiting for an answer.


	5. Chapter 5

I walked back to the apartment, rubbing the bruise I got from today's training. We learned to throw knives, and someone 'accidently' elbowed me in the shoulder. It hurt, a lot. And as expected, everyone laughed. Well, everyone except Damien.

All he did was shake his head and threw another knife at the target, which hit the center. As always.

I opened the door, seeing Peter and his friend, Calvin, sit on the couch laughing. Calvin tips the tip of a beer bottle backwards, chugging down the achohal. Peter laughs as he spits out the beer, and soon Calvin is laughing also. The apartment is a mess. Which means I'll be up all night cleaning up.

I sigh and try to walk past them into my room unnoticed. But I hear Peter say, "Hi, honey. How was training?"

Calvin shrieks with laughter.

"Fine," I mutter, under my breath. "Training was fine."

"Well, it's been a week into initiation. What rank are you?"

"Between the Dauntless Born I'm sixth," I say carefully, trying not to get manipulated.

"Such a pretty score," Calvin says, standing up and walking towards me. "For a pretty girl." His long, slender finger grazing my cheek.

"I have to go," I say, and try to get away. But he grasps my wrist, keeping me in place.

"But we have to have a party."

Peter snorts.

"Let go of me," I threaten.

Calvin just smirks and kisses my neck. I push and pull, but he doesn't let me go. I manage to get my hand free, and smack him. He's startled, and pushes me against the wall.

"Listen you little bitch, don't put your hands on me like that!" He growls.

"You are not the boss of me," My voice strains.

He slams me against the wall again, squeezing my wrist so hard that it's going to leave a bruise.

"Don't make too much noise!" Peter yells.

Tears sting my eyes, but I don't let them fall. If you cry at all your worst moments in life, you'll never get through anything.

"Let go of me!" I yell, through gritted teeth, and push him away from me.

"You made a fierce one Peter!" Calvin laughs. "She's just the one for me."

"Screw you," I say, and wall away.

"Hey," Peter stands and grabs my arm. "Don't disrespect me." His tone is violent.

I narrow my eyes. "My apologies, _Dad,_" I yank my arm away from him, and walk out the apartment.

My original task was to get Brian's backpack. Him and Emily are spending the night at their friends' apartment, and he left it at home. Needless to say, he isn't getting it.

I rub my wrist, and my feet drag me towards the chasm. I stand at the railing, looking down at the deadly waters. They say no one gets out alive, are they right? Has anyone dared to test that theory? I scoff, of course they have. It's Dauntless.

I sit at the edge of the railing, swinging my legs.

"Alyssa?"

I turn and see Damien, walking towards me.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, nearing me.

"I could ask you the same," My voice is quiet.

Damien looks at me and the chasm, warily. "You're not going to jump are you?"

I shake my head. "I don't think things are that bad yet,"

He sits next to me, surprisingly. "What?"

"Nothing,"

"So what did you come here for?"

I look up into his majestic eyes as he asks me that, but then turn away. My pull down my sleeve to cover my bruise on my wrist.

"Uh, just to. . " I listen to the roaring waters beneath me. "Just to think."

"About what?"

"Everything. Why are you here?"

Damien gives me an astounded look. "I always come here. Shouldn't you be at home? Where it's. . . safe?"

"Safe?"

"Not to be rude, but it's like three a.m., and drunk Dauntless isn't a good thing on a Saturday night."

"Shouldn't you be at home?" I arch an eyebrow.

He chuckles and says, "I can fend for myself," Then his eyes widen. "I didn't mean it like that-" Damien apologizes.

"It's okay. I'm weak, I know it."

"Maybe you should go home. Where it's safe, I mean." He scratches the back of his neck, awkwardly.

"Every second I not at home, I feel safe."

"Why do you say that?"

I looked at him and give a weak smile. "Because it's true,"

. . .

"How are you holding up in initiation?" Nat asks, scaring down a sandwich

"I'm not the worst," I say. "I got moved down to seven today. So according to my schedule, I'll be in eighth by Monday."

"Lighten up! Initiation is supposed to be fun. That's where you find who you truly are, Alyssa."

I stare at her with uncertainty. "You sound like the Amity, Nat, are you okay?" I reach over and press the back of my hand to her forehead, and she swats me away.

"Of course I am. The real question is if you are okay." Nat says the last part slowly, and more serious.

I look into her blue eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"You seem a little, distant." She shrugs.

"I've always been distant." I interject.

"Not with me. I'm probably one of the few people you let see your true colors, Lyss. So what's going on with you?"

My mouth opens, but no words come out.

My heart races, but I can't breathe.

My mind swirls around, but I cannot think.

"Nothing," I lie, and abruptly stand up from the table.

I ignore her as she calls my name, and I turn around so quickly, I knock into someone. "Watch it!" They yell, and push me to the floor.

I see purple hair. Chelsea. I knocked into Chelsea.

By now, everyone is quiet and staring at me. But I scramble to my feet and run out the cafeteria.

Why am I getting so worked up?

I'll tell you why.

No one has asked me if I was alright in forever. And most likely, when you lie to someone and say you're alright, and they don't believe you, they dig deeper. Which is the first step in someone figuring out what happens in my home.

Normally, it wouldn't be a big deal. But when someone who cares about you sees you're down, they find it a necessity to find out why.

But no one can find out.

Ever.

I don't care if I die keeping the secret.

But I have scars that only I am allowed to see.

**(A/N) Okay, I know in the first chapter I said she had five results in the Aptitude Test, but I actually meant four. Sorry. **

**I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! :)**

**-Julissa**


	6. Chapter 6

"Ow!" I yelp, as Peter pushes me into a wall. He wraps his hands around my neck, and I helplessly let him. Because two years ago, I've learned it you strike out against Peter, you are basically asking for a one way ticket to death; I still have the scar to prove it.

He snorts as I gasp for air, and throws me to the ground. "Dumb, slut! Next time have dinner ready by time I get home." Peter steps over my fallen body and out the room.

I lay on the floor for a few more minutes, but use the wall to help me stand. I walk into Emily's room unsteadily, and she's perched on her bed, playing with her stuffed animal, Cashew, I think his name was. She named him that after I did a research paper on old food before the war.

Frozen, she holds her breath at the sight of me. "Your throat," She chokes.

"It's okay," I reassure her in a raspy voice.

Her brown hair falls over her shoulders, I sit behind her, weaving strands of her hair into a braid. I hum quietly, my mother used to do that when I was a kid.

"Lyssa?" Emily speaks up.

"Yeah?"

"Why can't we tell?"

I swallow. "I want to stay together, Em."

"But you're the one getting hurt! I don't like to see you in pain!"

My lips press into a thin line. "It's okay-"

"And then when you're not home, he beats us!"

"He hasn't done that in two months, Em. And I'm sorry I didn't get home faster. I'm so, so sorry." I apologize.

"I don't mind it, but I would rather live in different places then see you get hurt," She turns around to face me.

I know it's selfish. To keep a secret this big just to see someone I care about, only to let hem get hurt rarely. But I've lost so much. My mom, my freedom. Hell, my innocence was stolen when I was eleven. I can't bear to lose them too.

Emily presses about hand to my cheek. "I don't want this life anymore. I don't want the pain." She silently cries.

As soon as she does, I do too. Emily wraps her arms around my neck, and I pull her into a deeper embrace. And for the rest of the night, we hug and cry, willing to disappear.

. . .

"Pick up the pace, initiates!" Lynn yells, and my legs burn.

I don't think it's fair that since one person spoke against her we all have to get punished. But if it's one thing I've learned in life, life isn't fair.

Chelsea drops to the floor in front of me, and gasps for air as I run past her. "That's five more laps, Chelsea!" Lynn barks. "You too, Kate!"

In front of me, a red haired girl groans, dropping to the floor.

"You are all dropping like flies!"

"In our defense, we can't be a Dauntless prodigy." James speaks up, sitting on the floor and gesturing to Damien, who runs around the training room likes it no big deal.

"Or a super-speed freak," Chelsea adds, stretching.

"Just for that," Lynn says, smirking. "Damien and Alyssa! You guys are free to go!"

Sighing with relief, I allow myself to collapse, ignoring the pain shooting through my body as I do. Strands of blonde hair cover my face, and I scrape it into a ponytail once I sit up. Resting on the floor helps with the pain in my legs, but gives me a new burning sensation in my chest.

"Good job," A hand appears in front of my face, and I look up and see Damien smiling down at me, beads of sweat dripping down his face.

"Thanks," I pant, and take his hand, allowing him to pull up my weight. But someone, I stumble and almost fall. Damien puts his hands on my waist, keeping me from falling.

"Steady now, " He jokes, and I give him a small smile.

He glances back and jabs his thumb in the direction of the door. "Wanna grab a bite to eat," He looks at his watch. "It's Nat's break time, no doubt she'll be stuffing her face with Dauntless cake.

I nod, unable to speak. Damien chuckles and starts walking. I follow him.

Someone coughs with the word, "Slut," in between and everyone laughs. Feeling more insecure then usual, I pull my sleeves down and cover my hands too.

Damien just stands behind me and pushes me forward out the doors.

"Ignore them," He tells me as we're walking in the tunnels. "God knows that's what we all do,"

We don't say much after that, but that just leaves me wondering if Damien really considers these people his friends.

**(A/N) Sorry for the lack of updates, pretty heavy stuff going on. **

**If you haven't realized, it's Self-harm Awareness day. And this day is important to me because I know so many people who use(d) self-harm to relieve pain. It's been a pretty big impact on my life, and I wrote a one-shot about it. It's called, "A Small Thought" and I suggest you to check it out. **

**Please. I'm not doing it for the followers or reviews because this is actually a **_**real **_**problem. It's a growing epidemic and I want to help it. Because suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.**

**Don't give up; keep fighting. **

**3lovbooks**


	7. Chapter 7

Miranda picked at her food. Her curly black hair goes in different directions, making it look wild.

"What's wrong?" I asked, ripping bits of my pancake and throwing them to the side. "You look tired."

She sighs, pushing her plate away. "I am. I'm ranked last between the transfers and the Dauntless born. And stage one is over in three days. I'm going to get cut off."

"Don't say that. You just have to practice more-"

But she just shakes her head and cuts me off. "No, I've already practiced, and I'm not getting any better. I just have to face that I'm going to be factionless."

"Miranda, if anyone's going to be factionless, its me. You are not, under any circumstances going to be factionless. I promise." I had my doubts on that, but it felt like the right thing to say. So I just kind of went with it.

"Well, I believe we should test that theory." Said Miranda, but she didn't meet my gaze.

"You'll see. By Friday, you'll be ranked at least ten." My voice had a weird perk to it, proving my Aptitude for Amity to be right. Well, at this moment.

I don't really understand how I got Amity. In the Aptitude test, there was a man beating a woman, and I could've either grabbed a gun, or just stand there. But, I didn't grab the gun, nor did I just stand there. I walked up to the man, and kind of tapped his shoulder. As soon as my finger came in contact with him, the man seemed to freeze. For a moment, I was shocked, but then I helped the woman stand and told her I knew the man. Which ruled out Candor. And I guess by risking my life by walking towards him with no weapon gave me Dauntless. And not grabbing the weapon gave me Amity. And helping the woman, gifted me with selflessness.

Or that's what I think.

"I might as well be dead; that's better then being Factionless." Miranda said quietly. "I'm going to go back to the training room. Goodbye. And thanks. For everything." She gives me a small smile and stood up. But the smile seemed forced, and I had a bad feeling in my stomach.

It instantly disappeared from my mind but still lingered as Nat sat down, across from me, taking Miranda's place. "Guess what!" she squealed.

I gave a smile. "What?"

"Okay, brace yourself. Are you ready? Okay. Damien and Chelsea got into it last night!"

My jaw dropped. Those two never fought. Disagreed, yes. Argued, absolutely. But it was usually a big deal. Mostly stupid, unnecessary things. And even Nat didn't care about any of those arguments. So it's a shock for her to spread the gossip.

"Wait, how is that good?" I asked confused, taking a sip of my water.

"Because that means you have a shot with my brother." Nat replied. My water sprayed all over her, and her face scrunched up in disgust. Guilty, but still satisfied, I handed her a napkin. It was hard not to laugh.

"Why would you want me to date your brother?"

"I can't believe I suggested it too, but you guys seemed to have a connection. I don't know how to explain it. Is that a bruise on your neck?" She pointed to the marks on my throat. I forgot to cover them up.

"No, it's nothing," I tried to look eager so she'll won't get suspicious. "What connection? We aren't friends."

"Ahh, but I see the way he looks at you. And even though I hate to admit it, all girls want him. For his looks. But you seem to not care. So I think you don't know him that much to actually like him. Which basically means that you're more into personality then looks." She wiped the last of my spit off her cheek, setting the napkin aside. Nat had a mischievous smile on her face, causing me to be concerned.

So I ask, "What are you implying?"

But she doesn't say anything and stands up. "I have to go, my break is over. Oh, and the twins were in the Pit. I hope it's okay, but I used my points to get them some candy-"

"Wait, why aren't the twins in school?" My voice sounds alarming.

"They let the kids out early. Something about a-" Nat tried to explained, but I was already running out the cafeteria. People jumped out of the way, scolding me as I bumped into them. My legs burned, but I pushed on.

My apartment was right around the corner, but as I turned it, I ran into someone, and fell on the ground. I grunted, trying to stand up. "Gosh freak! Can you watch where you're going?"

Chelsea stared down at me (more like glared) but I stood up, reaching my hand out to grab something, but instead, another hand grabbed mine. "Are you okay, Alyssa?" Damien asked, pulling me up. I nodded.

"Leave her be. She's fine." Chelsea spoke. I rolled my eyes, pulling my hand from Damien's.

And even though I know it's pathetic, I bumped her shoulder and sprinted toward my apartment. I pushed open the door. "Brian! Emily!" I frantically screamed, running to their rooms. They weren't there, and I ran into my room. "Emily?" I looked under my bed and when I couldn't find her, I ran straight into Peter's room, much to his dismay. "Peter!"

He wasn't there, either. "Damn it!" I hit my palm against the door, running out the apartment.

"Is everything okay?" Damien stood outside the door, and I ran a hand through my hair. Chelsea wasn't there, which I concluded she left.

"I cant find my brother and sister. The school let the kids out early, and I can't find them." I gasp.

"Well they're probably running around being kids."

"No. Nat said she saw them in the Pit." Salt stung my eyes. "They wouldn't do this. This isn't like them."

"Well, calm down, maybe they're just playing around. I can check the Pit." Damien reassured, but I was still worried.

"Yeah." Surprisingly, I didn't refuse the help. Damien ran in the opposite direction as me. He went to the Pit, but I went to the last person I want to see.

Peter.

**(A/N) Hi! **

**Hope you liked this chapter, and please review. Also, if you have any questions you can PM me. **

**But first let me know what you think:**

**1\. Why is Miranda acting depressed, and what do you think she's going to do?**

**2\. What happened to the twins? **

**So many possibilities to these questions. What do you want to happen? REVIEW! **

**Also, if you haven't, check out my one-shot A Small Thought.**

**-Julissa**


	8. Chapter 8

He stood there laughing, Calvin at his side. Both men had beers in their hands, and I can only assume it wasn't their first one. I weaved my way through the people in the Pit. In the process, someone elbowed me in my side, and I gritted my teeth. It still hurt from where Peter had kicked me.

"Peter," I said, once I reached him. His green eyes met my identical ones, and he took a swig of alcohol.

"What?" He slurred, and the smell of his breath reached my nose. It was disgusting.

"Do you know where Brian and Nat are? And don't lie."

Peter snorted. "No. I do not know where the rats are."

I took a deep breath. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I would know where they are-" Peter stops, registering something in his head. "Wait. Stupid, they're at school." Calvin shrieks with laughter, and I ignore him.

"The school let kids out early. I don't know where they are at."

"Well, if they're lost, they're lost. We're all better off without them." He tilts the tip of the bottle to his mouth.

And I lost it. Because wrong the moment, the two most important people in my life are missing. And I feel lost without them. I don't need my _dad _here telling me they're a mistake. So I do it without thinking: I knock the bottle out his hand.

The glass shatters on the ground a few feet away. His eyes avert to it, realizing what I just did. But I glare at him. This is probably my only chance to stand up to him. Peter wouldn't dare hit me in front of everyone. But I'll have hell to pay behind closed doors later.

"While you're children are missing, you're here drinking." I tell him, slowly, hoping he can comprehend the words.

And I turn to walk away into the thick crowd of Dauntless, when he grabs my wrist, squeezing tight.

"I'm your dad, you are to never speak to me like that. Like it or not, I'm your father forever." Peter hisses in my ear.

I stare right at him and say, with what all the confidence I have, "You'll always be my father. But you will _never _be my dad."

. . .

"Alyssa!" I look to my left and see James, a Dauntless Born initiate and Damien's best friend.

"Yeah?" I walk toward him, intrigued by the worry in his voice for some strange reason.

"Damien found the twins. Hurry!" My heart flutters at the mention of them. But James' voice is so frantic, I know something's wrong. Immediently, we burst into a sprint. I follow him in the direction of the chasm, and force myself to not picture Brian hanging for dear life on the rail while Emily cries. But my hopes are lifted when I see no one is by the railing. Instead, an ear-piercing scream is heard from a rock under it.

Me and James carefully climb the rocks toward the scream, being careful not to slip. My feet hit a flat surface, and I see Damien and Brian huddled around Emily. I walk toward them, pushing Brian back. I feel like my world collapsed at the sight.

Emily screamed in horror as she clawed at her wrists. Blood dripped off her arm, falling into a pool around her. Tears cascaded down her pale face. "Get away!" She shrieks, and we all jump. But I realize she isn't talking to us. "Don't touch me!"

I hear sniffling behind me. James directs Brian away from Emily. "We have to get her to the infirmary!" Damien yells, and I nod, the words stuck in my throat.

He nears toward her, and struggles as he scoops her into his arms. She uses her small fists and punches him, but of course it doesn't faze Damien. "Ow!" He yelps as she accidently scratches his bicep.

"Lyss?" Brian whispers.

"Take him to Nat." I tell James, and he obliges, lifting the scared kid in one arm and using his other to climb the rocks.

"Alyssa! Go first, I'll hand her to you at the top!" Damien says, and I listen to him. He's not far behind me.

The screaming child kicks and cries in his arms, and I can do nothing but watch. She thrashes and I'm scared he'll fall. Damien is only climbing with one arm, and the rocks are wet and slippery. Not to mention Emily won't stay still, and blood stains both their clothes.

This can't be happening to her. Of all people, why her? She's not supposed to be crying. She always makes me smile and forget everything. Why do bad things, happen to good people?

I reach down, and grab Emily as Damien hoists himself up. She's only in my arms briefly, seeing we can get to the infirmary quicker if Damien carries her. I am faster then him. But he's fast enough and is stronger. Without another word, we run to the infirmary, startling people who we run by.

"Help! Marlene!" Damien shouts as we burst through the doors.

Instantly, we are met with doctors and nurses. "Damien?" I hear a voice ask.

One doctor brings a gurney and Damien lays Emily on it. They wheel her away, and I try to follow them. "I'm sorry, miss." A nurse addresses me. "You aren't allowed to see her yet."

I want to yell at that nurse. I want to say she doesn't know what that girl has been through. But I simply nod. There were twowhen emoty seats to the side, right when we walked in. Silently, I sink into the seat. Tears threaten to fall, and I will them not to.

Damien sits in the seat next to me, and he places a hand on my back. "Are you okay?" He asks.

At that moment, I let myself go. The dam breaks and the river flows. It seems that my life with never stop sucking. I want to tell him that I'm never okay. That no child who is abused is okay. But my tears spoke for my broken heart, and Damien just embraces me. I cry into his blood stained shirt, and for the first time since I was eight, I miss my mother.

. . .

I must've fallen asleep, because I wake up to Damien nudging my side, whispering my name.

"Alyssa. Wake up," I rub my eyes and stretch.

"Can I see her now?" I ask.

"Not yet, but they say she fell asleep a while ago." He says, but I see sorrow in his eyes.

I realized that Dixie, a transfer that Miranda talked too often, stood in front of me. Her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying. She fiddled with her fingers nervously.

"What happened?" My voice was alarmed. I don't think I can handle much more bad news, but it seems that's what I was going to get.

"Uh, Mir-Miran-" Dixie took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She shook her head, and held back a sob as her hand flew to her mouth. "I can't. I'm sorry." She ran from the infirmary crying.

"What happened?" I averted my question to Damien, but my voice shook.

"Alyssa," his hand clasped mine, and he didn't look at me.

"Just tell me." My lips quivered.

"Miranda jumped over the chasm."

**(A/N) Wow! Major cliffhanger! You probably hate me for it.**

**Anyway, i apologize for the lack of updating, but i hope it was worth it. Don't forget to review!**

**1\. What will Peter do to Alyssa for speaking out against him?**

**2\. What happened to Emily?**

**3\. How do you feel about Miranda jumping over the chasm?**

**Tell me what you think! I love to hear your opinions! As I said before, REVIEW!**

**-Julissa**


	9. Chapter 9

I realized, once I registered what Damien said, I never got to say goodbye. And I guess, it hurt. I knew she was sad. She had convinced herself she wouldn't pass initiation. But she was one of the few people who made me feel like life was worth living. But I didn't pay attention. And I only have myself to blame.

My heart pounded, and I squeezed my eyes shut tight. They say life is a journey, that there will be hardships. They never mentioned some can't escape the troubles. That some are stuck in a hole of darkness and grief. And unfortunately, I'm part of that some.

"Alyssa?" Damien asks as I shake my head. He grips my hand gently like I'm about to break.

He's probably right. I've come a long, long way. But I'm not sure I can make it much farther. It just gets harder, and harder. Apparently, it's supposed to get better. But I don't have forever. My time is wavering, and I know the hour glass is almost done.

"Are you okay?" His voice is filled with concern. And I just lost it. I yanked my hand from his, and ran out the infirmary, ignoring Damien calling my name.

It was about an hour till dawn. Not many Dauntless are out are this time. Which is good; less see me bawling my eyes out and running towards the chasm. I panted, collapsing on the bridge that connected each side of the chasm. Banging my fists on the floor, I let out a sob.

"Why, why , why?" I demanded, angry with myself more than at Miranda. How stupid I was, for not seeing past those fake smiles. I wanted more than anything, to curl up in my mother's lap, have her take the pain away. "Why me? Why _her?"_ I didn't know if I meant Miranda, or my mother. Either, it was two questions that needed answers. Sadly, I would never get them.

Life isn't fair.

I've learned that at a young age. After a terrible incident, I dare to add. And then after that. And after that. And now, here I am. Grieving the loss of my beloved friend at the place she took her last breath. How unfair life is.

I felt broken then I could possibly imagine. Yes, there were times when I felt I could no longer continue my _journey, _but I managed to make do. But this was different. This moment, I can actually feel the pain in my chest, hear my heart breaking, and know that nothing can fix all the bad. Nothing can kill my demons. And the only reason for that is because I became my demon.

Sorrow can control you. It can become part of you, and kill every inch of free will you have, until all that's left it nothing. It will, make you do crazy things. Sorrow will crush your spirit, and morph it into a form of sorrow itself.

About an hour later, I stood up. My eyes were still red and puffy, but I stopped crying. Which surprised me. I rarely ever cry. Mostly because it never got me anywhere. Like, after I was done, my problems would still be there. And it wouldn't have been a great example for Brian and Emily.

But, crying made me feel better. Even if it still meant Miranda was gone and my father is utterly an asshole. I can't be strong all the time. Sometimes I need to be alone, and let my tears flow out. I didn't realize that before, but now I do.

Wiping my eyes, I took one last look at the chasm, before walking away.

. . .

"Are you okay?" Damien asks as I walk back into the infirmary.

"Yeah, uh," I sniffle. "How is she?"

"They say she's fine. But they won't tell me exactly what's wrong, considering I'm not family."

"You should go home, Damien. Training starts in like, three hours." I sat back down in the chair.

"Well, if you're here, you'll miss training too."

"Well that's me. You're different," I snapped. Then immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry. Just go."

"But I want to stay-" Damien began to argue. But I was tired of arguing, and just wanted him to leave. Not because I didn't enjoy his company, but because he should rest. I mean, it's really sweet he's being nice, but in all honesty, he should drop the act. Everyone knows I'm not wanted, and the only thing that keeps me going is Brian and Emily.

"Go! You don't need to be here, I do. Thanks for helping, but from this point on, whatever happens is none of your business whatsoever." I refused to look at him.

A minute later, Damien stood up. "Fine. Bye," The infirmary doors closed behind him. And I waited for any news on my sister.

Then, Marlene came up to me. Instantly, I asked, "Is she okay?" and stood up.

"Uh, she's okay. But I'm afraid this isn't something you'll be able to forget."

"I don't understand." I shook my head.

"Your sister has schizophrenia, a mental illness before the war. It's really rare now. There's about two people, on average, in each faction with it." Marlene explained.

"So she won't be okay?" I wasn't quite following her.

"She will. But there is medicine she'll have to take to prevent these kinds of episodes. And frequent check-ups."

"How frequent?" My eyebrow arched.

"Well starting off, once every two weeks. As I said it's very rare and was before the war, so we don't have much information on the illness. So we'll want to monitor her for a few days."

"Okay," I breathe and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "That's fine. Can I see her now?"

"Yes, she just woke up about half an hour ago. But you are allowed to see her." She led me to a room that was isolated by a curtain. When I walked in, Emily was lying in a bed, wearing a black gown. Her hair went in every which way, and she looked tired.

I put on a smile and walked towards her. "Hi, Em. How are you doing?" I whispered.

Emily gave a weak smile, and nodded. "I'm fine. Well, better. But I want to go home."

"You will, soon. I promise. Listen, I just came to check on you real quick, but I need to see Brian. Get some rest." I bent down and kissed her forehead.

"Okay. Tell him hi." She said weakly. Her voice was hoarse. I assume from all the screaming.

"I will. Bye." I walked back out, and saw Marlene waiting for me.

"I forgot to mention. If we feel the need to monitor her longer then three days, we'll have to transport her to an actual hospital in the Erudite section. This is an infirmary and we can't keep patient longer than three days."

"I understand. But based on her current condition, would it be neccessary?"

"If she keeps going at the rate she is, I don't think so. But that's the doctor's decision, not mine."

I nodded. "Okay, thank you." I really hoped she didn't have to go to Erudite. One, I rather have Emily in Dauntless where I can visit her. Two, they are smarter and able to recognize what caused the bruises on Emily's back.

**(A/N) Hi, my lovelies! **

**Hope you liked this chapter and don't forget to review! **

**Seriously. I feel like you aren't giving me much input on the story and that makes me sad. So I'm forced to make a new rule:**

**The next chapter will be posted **_**if **_**I get **_**five **_**reviews. It's evil. But you leave me no choice.**

**Also, I made a story on Wattpad called Lost in the Dark. My username is in_love_with_myself. Check it out! **

**I guess that's it. **

**-Julissa**


	10. Chapter 10

"How is she?" Damien touches my shoulder as I warm up, startling me. "Sorry," He apologizes.

"She's fine. Thanks," I move over to the punching bags. And I tense up once I sense his presence. "Need something?" I snap, throwing a punch. I barely made it move, but I'll take what I can get.

"I just wanted to know if you're okay."

"I'm fine," I reassured.

But truth is, I'm not. Everyhing hurts and I don't know why. I want to cry. I need someone to hold me and be there, but at the same time, I need to be alone. And I'm not exactly sure why, but I don't feel alive. But at the same time, I don't feel dead, because than there wouldn't be so much pain.

"Okay. That's good to hear." He said awkwardly. But still, he lingered. I felt like yelling at him to scram. I was already under enough pressure with initiation, Emily, and Peter's punishments, I didn't need any boy drama. Because strangley, I feel myself drawn towards Damien whenever he's around.

"Gather around, initiates!" Uriah calls, and Lynn and Four stand next to him.

Today we find out who moves on to stage two. Which has been nervewrecking. Actually, it was pushed to the back of my mind as other. . . _events. . . _happened. Anyway, my heart is beating out of my chest, and I walk to the crowd of initiates, while Damien follows. He's biting his nails, a habit I have never realized he had.

"You guys have worked hard, and we're proud of you," Four says, breaking through the silence.

"But some of you didn't make the cut," Lynn states, deadpanned.

"And the results!" Uriah flips the blank board over, revealing another side with the ranks on them.

I can barely look. Because that rank will either send me away, keeping my away from the two people I care about, or fill me with relief as I can run to Emily and Brian and hug them tight. Reactions come from the initates. Majority of it are shouts and hollers of pride and excitement. The rest is silence, because they didn't make it.

What category will I fall under?

Reluctantly, my eyes scan the board, starting at the first rank and making my way down. Past two, past three, past four. . .

And there I am. Rank ten.

I made it.

_I made it._

A wave of relief rushes over me and I let out a laugh. Somehow, I manage to block out everything else around me, and feel good about myself. At that moment, and in a really long time, I think of myself. I'm one step closer to making it through. From taking Emily and Brian away from that dreaded monster. I can do this.

I _will _do this.

And nothing will stop me.

. . .

"There you are! I'm so happy! Congratulations!" Nat embraces me in a hug. Far too tight, might I add.

"Nat! Too- tight!" I gasp, and smile when she realizes me.

"Oh, sorry." She says sheepishly. "I'm just so proud of you,"

"I am too," I say confidently.

"I'm went to visit Emily, during my lunch break. They said she's doing better." She sat down.

I raked my hand through my golden hair and sighed, taking a seat across from Nat. "They said if they need to, they'll send her to Erudite."

"Doubt they will. She's a fighter, she can handle anything."

"Of course," Like getting abused by her own father. "I should go visit her later, and take Brian with me."

"Yeah. I tried to take him to home, but no one would answer. So he crashed on my bed while I slept on the couch. But poor thing hardly slept. I was getting ready to keep him home from school, but he insisted he go."

"He can be like that. School distracts him, and he saw Emily."

"Something no kid should ever see."

"Yeah," I whisper.

The cafeteria was buzzing wih celebration. Initiates got the rest of the day off, and they were sure taking advantage of it. Transfers joined in on the standard Dauntless celebration. Which consists of beer, more beer, and possibly a serious injury. Let's not forget about the dares. As an example, someone dared someone to break into Four and Tris' apartment last year. Needless to say, they backed out.

"Ugh," Nat says, her eyes flickering behind me.

"What?"

"My brother." I turn around, seeing Damien amongst a crowd and holding a beer in his hand. His smile was wide, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "He's drunk. Our parents are gonna be so mad,"

"Yup," I confirmed, turning away when he decided to suck on Chelsea's face. "I'm going to go."

"Already?" Nat cried. "But the celebration has barely begun."

"Too much excitement for one night." I explained. But that wasn't the truth. The truth was I just wanted to get away from everyone. "Brian's at his friend's house, right?" She nodded. I smiled gratefully, and stood up, walking out of the cafeteria.

I didn't even know where I was going. Just that I needed to escape. Not from Nat, or Damien, or even the excitement. I need an escape from reality. No. I need an escape from my life. My feet were in control, and my brain didn't bother to correct them. So they led to the training room. Where the board with the ranks is still in the center.

Just a few hours ago, I was nervous I'd get cut off. But my worry enlightened as I saw my name at the number ten spot. My eyes overlook the whole board, and they trail beneath my name. And I freeze when I get to the last place.

"She was right," I whispered. Miranda was going to be Factionless.


	11. Chapter 11

I placed my hand on his shoulder, pushing him forward gently as we make our way through a crowd of Dauntless. Stage two in initiation starts today. In two hours, actually. But Brian woke me up early so we could visit Emily, despite me telling him we would see her after school.

He was excited. I could tell by the huge smile that had been plastered on his face since he woke up and how he was jumpy. "Hey, Lyss?" He spoke up as we walked through a deserted tunnel.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Why is Emily in the infirmary?"

I sighed. "She was sick. She's getting better now."

"What was she sick with?" His eyes looked up at me and were filled with curiosity.

"It's hard to explain. But it was scary, and if you ever hear her screaming at people that aren't there, or if she scratches herself badly, I want you to come find me, okay?" He nodded. "Good."

Brian spoke up a few minutes later. "I was scared. We were going to play hide and seek, and she figured beneath the chasm was the best place to play. So we climbed down the cliff and she hid while I counted to fifteen. And as I got to seven, she just started screaming." As he spoke, Brian looked forward, as if he were replaying the scene all over again in his head.

"What was she screaming?"

"First, it was a really loud scream. Then she started crying things like, 'Leave me alone!' and 'Get away from me!' I found her curled up in a ball and scratching her wrists. Blood dripped down her arm, and I just stood there. It was scary and unreal and I didn't know what to do. Then Damien came. And his friend James did, too. Damien told James to find you, and that's what had happened." He shook his head and smiled up at me. "I'm glad he found us."

"Yeah," I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and pulled him into my side. "Me too."

"Will Peter punish us?" Brian asks after a while, breaking the most welcomed silence.

"What for?"

"Causing a ruckus."

"I'm won't let him go near you." I promised. "Never."

"Why can't we tell anyone? It's bad what he does. Right? My friend's parents don't do that to him."

"We can't tell anyone because Peter will manipulate them."

Brian scrunched up his nose in confusion. "What's ma-manap-manipu- that word?"

I forgot I was talking to a seven year-old. "It's like, he'll trick them into not believing us."

"Oh. Well, Peter lies a lot."

"Yeah, exactly. And no. It's not right for him to do what he does."

"Then why does he do it?"

"I don't know, Brian. I don't know."

"But, wasn't he Candor?"

"Sometimes, people can be in a faction they aren't meant to be in. That's why we have the Choosing Ceremony, so we have the chance to go where we belong."

"And you belong in Dauntless!"

"Yeah. I sure hope so."

"Do I belong in Dauntless?" He looked up at me.

I sighed. "I don't know yet. We'll figure out later."

"If I don't, then what will happen?"

I shook my head, not wanting to think about it. It pains me to think about Brian leaving Dauntless to go to Erudite or Amity, or whatever. But I guess we all have to find our path. Hopefully I found mine.

We stop walking when someone steps in front of us. "Sorry," I apologize, not really getting a good look at the person.

"No, it's my fault, Alyssa. Hey, Brian!" Damien ruffles Brian's hair. "How's it going, little man?"

"It's good, I guess." Brian shrugged, loosening my grip. "There have been worse times."

I laughed nervously, hoping to relieve some of Damien's possible suspicion. Now, while I'm cautious about what I say around people, the twins will slip something once in a while. Usually, they don't say much, but when they do, it's always my job to clear everything up, or in other words, lie.

"Kids, am I right?" I chuckle. "We should go." I say quickly, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ears.

After we walk around Damien, he calls out, "Wait!" I turn around to face him, and quirk my eyebrows to question him.

"Since Capture the Flag was canceled for the Dauntless Born, a few of us are going to the chasm for a celebration. In case you wanted to drop by."

"Um," I glanced at Brian. I can't leave him home alone with Peter. And I don't get along with the Dauntless Born anyway. But Damien sounded so hopeful for whatever reason. "I'll see what I can do."

He smiled and nodded, walking away, leaving me and Brian alone once again.

"I think he likes you." Brian spoke.

"Why would you say that?"

"Just a vibe."

"Well that's one wrong vibe. He's dating Chelsea."

"But I thought they broke up?" He looks up at me.

I sighed, moving the hair out of my face. Things are complicated right now. I don't even know what's going on. "I don't even know anymore."

"Well, I know he likes you."

**(A/N) Hello everyone! **

**Sorry it's short, but I just wanted to finish this today. I was going to add the part where Brian and Alyssa go to visit Emily, but I'll save that for the next chapter. This one felt like it was just a normal conversation between a brother and sister, which was nice. **

**And if there are any ROTG fans out there, I have a story called The Lonely, and you should check that out. I just recently started updating again. **

**If you have any questions, let me know and I will try to answer them. **

**Follow, favorite, review, etc,.**

**P.S. I hear it's bad luck if you don't review. Just saying. **

**-Julissa**


	12. Chapter 12

As soon as he sees her, his eyes lit up with an emotion I can't describe. Much to my dismay, Brian rushes toward her, climbing on top the bed. She smiles at him, seeming better than she was before. I watch all this from a few feet away, enjoying their little reunion.

"Emmy!" he cheers, laughing when Emily makes a face of disgust. He used to call her that when they were only a few years younger, not being able to say her full name correctly. It had been a while since I heard that, and it's familiar sound registers in my brain.

"Don't call me that. It's too childish," her suddenly newfound sophistication strikes us both, but then she giggles. "I was kidding! I'm not that serious."

I laugh at the confusion on his face, but he quickly shakes his head. " Anyway, I missed you. So I drew you a few pictures. And I brought you some paper and crayons and-"

"I get out tomorrow, I don't need all this stuff." Emily stopped her brother as he started to take many things out his backpack. Her statement makes me cock my head to the side.

"How do you know you get out tomorrow, babe?"

Her blue eyes stare into mine as she replies, "I heard them talking about it."

My response was a nod and I grab both their attention. "I'm going to talk to the nurse real quick, then when I come back, we'll have to leave. Okay, Brian?" I lick my lips before walking up to the main desk, finding Marlene looking at some papers. She looks up at me, sending a small smile.

"Hi, Alyssa. Visiting your sister?"

"Yeah, and she said something about getting out tomorrow?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowing. Realization dawns on the nurse as she exclaims.

"Right! We meant to tell you next time we saw you, which would be now.." Marlene trails off for a few seconds before abruptly standing up, grabbing a folder and walking toward me, opening it as she laid it on the flat surface. "Everything's good. We prescribed her with some meds and she is making an excellent improvement. At noon tomorrow she can leave. Upon her release, we will just need a parent's signature, and then it's all over."

My heart stopped at the word 'parent.' "Parent as in my father?" I asked, and she nodded. "Well, can't I just sign it-"

"Mm, nope. Because of our terms it strictly has to be a legal gurandian, which would mean your father. Just bring him down tomorrow, have him sign it, then she can go." Marlene puts the folder away. "Is that all?"

I nod silently, letting her get back to work as a lump forms in my throat. How am I supposed to get Peter here tomorrow, and make him seem like an innocent, average dad?

. . .

"Alright, listen up, initiates! I want you to look around and see everyone in this room. By luck, you passed Stage One." Lynn yells. I do what she says. Four people got cut, me barely passing at rank ten. Two of each, Transfers and Dauntless Born, got cut. Suprisingly. Now we only had six Dauntless Born, and four Transfers. "Now we move onto stage two! You guys will train together now, from this point on."

Four steps forward. "This stage is emotional. We'll see just how strong your minds are, and this will prepare you for the last stage." He lets that sink in for a while, and I nervously bite my lip. "This stage has changed over the years. It used to be that you could face someone else, such as a trainer's, fears. Sort of like a trial run. But with this new advanced technology, courtesy of the Erudite, we can program the computer with a common fear."

My trainer steps up this time, pushing Four aside."Each of you will get a different fear landscape we will program, and will have to go through it. The simulation will be similar to The Aptitude Test, but more difficult. You guys will need to control your emotions to pass it. We'll pass this bag around. Reach in and grab one piece of paper. It will give you your fear landscape. We'll start in reverse alphabetical order, according to last name, seeing as the only way to pick people in this society is by going backwards." Lynn mutters, handing the first person in line a small black bag.

I could feel my palms sweating as it comes closer. Fear? Emotions? No one said anything about this. What if I can't control myself? What if I get cut off this stage? Then I'll be factionless and will have to leave and I can barely fend for myself in the Dauntless. Then-

My thoughts are interrupted when the bag is forced into my hand. It almost falls, but I get a strong grip on it. I take a deep breath and reach in, pulling out a small paper, and handing the bag to the next person. Shakily, my fingers unfold it, and I sigh when I read it out loud.

"Dogs. The fear of dogs."

**(A/N)...**

**so, before you kill me, let me explain. **

**yes it has been after a year since i updated this story, and i am very very very sorry. I got distracted in summer. Then school came back, and i felt terrible.I pushed myself to the limit with school and forgot all about this book. **

**Now, of course there were times when i wanted to update, but then i realized i would need time to plan out stuff. this chapter here took about an hour. And im working on a new cover. But im getting it all figured out. **

**Which means, yes i will start writing the story again. It will start slow. an update here or there, then ill get into habit and it will be easy. **

**again, so so sorry. but thank you, if you stuck around. and welcome to any new readers. **

**I love you**

**-Julissa**


	13. Chapter 13

Dogs. Of course, it would be dogs. The animals that people would keep as pets. The ones that were known to become aggressive at times. I mean, people rarely had pets in Dauntless, also meaning dogs. So, obviously, I've only heard about them, not actually seeing them. But I read that they can attack people. How am I supposed to control my emotions if I will be with a dog that can see me as a threat, and not just another initiate trying to pass initiation?

"What did you get?"

I look up from the word, stopping my little, anxious thoughts as Damien stands next to me. They had just called the first person in, and apparently, we were all supposed to just wait outside the room. Four was in there, while Lynn supervised us. I can't blame her, though. Dauntless do tend to do some pretty reckless and stupid things.

For a moment, I just stared at him, while he did the same. After a few seconds, I cleared my throat, turning away. "Oh, uh, dogs. I got dogs."

Damien nodded, and I could feel the awkward tension building between us. "Well, I got abandoment." He said.

"Cool. I guess. I mean, not cool, because abandoment is kind of scary. But cool like, I'm happy you didn't get something else. Something bad, like kidnapping or watching someone die, because that wouldn't be cool at all. Actually, no fear is cool so-" as I rambled, he smiled, before chuckling. I stopped at that. "Yeah, just ignore everything I said. I'm going to go wait over there."

Leaving him no time to object, I walked to the other side of the room, mentally cursing myself for actually doing that right now. I mean, sometimes I say things without thinking, but that was different. And he was laughing at me. Great. Now all Damien needs to do is tell Chelsea and word will get around quick about how much of an idiot I am.

Wait, what am I thinking? I have much more important things to think about than some stupid rumors. Between Emily, Peter, Initiation, and the simulation I'm about to go through, that should really be at the bottom of my priorities.

The dog fear captures my mind again, and I chew on my bottom lip out of habit. The Aptitude Test was hard enough. Yeah, I was aware of what was going on and understood it was all fake, which earned me my inconclusive results. Amity, Abnegation, Dauntless, and Erudite. But if this is going to be more of a challenge, will those qualities even matter?

One by one, people get called in. Then come right out shaken, scared out of their mind. Most of them are silent, walking right out the room. Others, have to be escorted out personally by Lynn. Soon, it gets to the point where its only me, Damien, and one of his friends, Jacob in the room. I sit in a seat across from them, my knees pushed to my chest as I hug them. I knew as soon as the Candor initiate gets out the room, I'm going next.

I let the horror consume my body for the next few minutes. Then the door opens, and my chest feels heavy. Kate, a friend of Chelsea's, has puffy eyes, and gasps quietly. Lynn walks her out, while Four steps out, looking at the three of us. "Alyssa, you're next."

I take a few seconds before standing up and walking into the small room. There's a machine and a computer on one side, and a metal chair in the exact middle. I try not to seem frightened, but I have no idea what to expect. Four closes the door, motioning me to sit in the chair as he walks toward the machine. Seeing no other choice, I oblige, letting my head rest as my body is layed in a somewhat verticle position.

"How bad is it going to be?" I blurt out, as he fiddles around, grabbing a small, rectangular box in one hand.

"That depends on you. Where is your paper?" He walks toward me, not meeting my eyes as he holds the box. I open my hand, revealing the paper that was crumbled. Four takes it, and starts to program it to the right fear landscape. Then he suddenly holds up a needle, walking toward me and grabbing my arm. Without warning, Four ejects the serum into my forearm, and I wince, but it is soon over."It will take sixty seconds before you start to feel it. Remember to control your emotions, take time. The fastest time is the best, but rushing will make things worst. Good luck."

My breathing deepens, and my palms are sweating. Four walks away, connecting wires to his body as he sits and looks at the screen. I focus in front of me, seeing the door before it all disappears.

. . .

I seemed to be in an alley. It was almost nightfall, and I could hear the faint roar of the trains above me. It was damp, and the two buildings I stood between were abandoned, windows were broken and writing coated the walls.

"Hello?" I called, itching toward the north end, but as I continued to walk, it just went on. Endlessly. Going south would probably end up the same way, so I stop, giving up and leaning against one building. It was dark, and nobody was here. A thousand possible scenarios come to mind, but I try to push them back.

The ground seems to fascinate me, for a while, until I heard a low growl and look up, standing straight. A large dog bared it's teeth at me, staying still. Slowly, I backed away, trying to ignore it's barks. But every noise that comes from it results in me flinching.

"Stay. Good dog. Stay." As a sign of peace, my palm faced it, and I kept my eyes locked with it's own. That seemed to hold the dog off, and calm down my rapidly beating heart. But as I kept backing away, I heard another bark from behind me. My feet stayed glue to the ground, and I cautiously faced it, seeing three more angry dogs nearing me.

The dog that was orignally in front of me walked around as my back hit one building. The four of them continued on, making me terrified out of my mind. I took deep breaths, trying to keep myself calm. My hand shot out slowly again. The only thing different was that the dog in front bit my fingers, causing me to shriek and retract my hand. There was blood on it, and that simple action caused them to form around me in a circle.

"Breathe, Alyssa. It's only a simulation. They can't- can't actually hurt you."

But I was wrong.

One jumped at me, and I tripped, falling backwards. I felt broken glass pierce my skin, the weight of the dog only forcing them in deeper. I screamed, so loud my throat burned after. One dog bit at my ankle, the other my arm. I felt claws digging into my stomach and some scratching my face.

"It's not real, Lyss!" I yelled for myself, trying to lock my body. Blood seeped through my clothes as the four dogs teared at my flesh. "It's all just a hallucination! Fake!"

I moved my free arm to shield my face. My heart pounded in my chest, and tears ran down my face. Then I stopped, letting them hurt me in any way they pleased. I laid still, closing my eyes, and breathed slowly. No matter how strong the pain was, I didn't dare move. "This is all a test."

Then it's all gone. The dogs, the alley, the dark. I'm in the room again, sitting in the chair. I sit up straight, gasping. Those things may be gone, but I could still feel the pain. In my mind, the blood is still there, the bruises, the scratches, it still hurts.

"Alyssa. Breathe. It's over now." Four tells me, and I could sense his prescene next to me. I shake my head, looking down.

"No. No, it still hurts." My voice was barely above a whisper. I shut my eyes tight. "It's still here."

"No. It's over. How did you know it was a simluation?" He asks that with curiosity, making me compose myself so I can look at him.

"I remembered. It might've felt real, but, I knew it wasn't."

The room falls silent after I say that. His arms are crossed and he stares me down, and I uncomfortably shirt in the seat. The only thing I was was his dismissal. I just want to go to sleep and forget this ever happened.

"Can I leave now?" I ask in a quiet voice. "I assume we're done."

"Well, we're not. Do you know how long you were in there?"

My heads shakes no. "I don't know. An hour, maybe?"

"You were in that simulation for two and a half minutes. The fastest time in history is three, Alyssa. Now, why is that?" I think he already knew the answer for that, and I wish he could kind of explain it to me.

"Because I'm a freak?" I tried.

"Your results were inconclusive, weren't they?" Four ignores my previous comment. He looks down at me. "Weren't they?"

It takes a few seconds for my answer. Robert told me not to tell anyone, to keep that information hidden. But he also didn't know how obvious I made it seem. So I nod.

"What were your results?"

I sighed, tugging at the hem of my sleeve, looking forward. "Amity, Dauntless, Erudite, and Abnegation." Out of a nervous habit, I bite my lip. "Is that bad?"

"Just unheard off. You should go. And don't tell anyone about this. Understood?" I nod, getting out the chair as he goes back to the computer. A million questions run through my mind, but I knew Four wouldn't appreciate if I asked.

But something clicked as I stood in front of the door, and I paused, turning around. "Four, just between us, how easy is it to see it?"

The older man doesn't say anything, and as I go to repeat the question, he replies, "It takes a lot more than just eyesight, if that's what you mean."

His response isn't exactly what I was looking for, but I'll take what I can get.

**(A/N) Yeah, I know I just updated a few hours ago, but i felt really inspired for this chapter. I guess I'm just in the writing mood. Take advantage of it while you can. **

**But what are some things you guys would like to see in the next chapters? Maybe some more moments between Alyssa and Damien? Some Nat scenes? Finally mention Tris for once? Let me know below.**

**Favorite, review, follow, blah blah blah. **

**LOVE YOU!**

**-Julissa**


	14. Chapter 14

As I walk out, Four calls in Jacob, sending me one last look. I linger until he closes the door, then I turn to walk out, being stopped though, of course. Damien walks right next to me. "How did it go? My Dad wasn't too hard on you, was he?" His face was so full of concern and sincereity, that as much as I wanted to leave and forget this day ever happened, I couldn't just leave.

I always felt weird around Damien, to be fairly honest. Most times, I feel this is just a pity act, and that he really doesn't care. Then other times, it's as if he's the only one who cares. Which really confuses me. Am I being set up? Why is he just now acting nice towards me? Before initiation, he wouldn't spare me a second glance, so why now?

I sigh, looking around before twiddling my fingers and looking at my hands. "It could've gone better. Feeling as though you're being killed by dogs isn't the best thing ever. Your Dad was, well, he was Four. I think that's enough said."

He let out a tiny laugh, but I didn't mean for that last part to be a joke. Soon, his smile fades and a frown takes its place. "Well, at least you got out of there alive. It would suck if you didn't."

My shoulders lifted, then fell. I brushed my hair out my face as I walked around him, sitting down. He soon sat next to me, keeping a good few inches between us. A silence rained over us. Until he turned his head toward me.

"Shouldn't you be getting home?"

"I don't want to go home, just yet." I whispered.

Damien nodded, the paused. "You don't like being there, do you?"

I turn to face him. "Why do you think that?"

He shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. Damien knew that sometimes I get uncomfortable in our previous conversations, and I think he's trying to find a way to bring up gently. He stammers, attempting to find the right words.

"Well, I guess you just never talk about it much."

"I guess I don't. It's just something boring. You know? It won't really interest someone."

"Oh." He drops it at that.

I don't understand why I still stay. Any other time I would just go home. But it's like some invisable energy just draws me to him, and it makes me feel better. We stay quiet for the next twenty minutes, until Jacob runs out, leaving quickly.

"Damien. Let's go." Four says, standing in the doorway, beckoning his son, who stands up.

"You'll be at the celebration later, right? In the chasm?"

I laugh nervously. "Isn't that a dangerous place to have a celebration?"

"You won't know if you don't go." He says, walking into the room, his father closing the door behind him. I sit there for a while. It was barely noon. What else could I do? The memory of the fear landscape was behind pushed at the back of my mind. But, I do have one last thing too settle. Might as well get it over with."

. . .

I walked into the apartment, the bitter smell of alcohal enough to make me cringe. Peter was sprawled out on the couch, in the same position he had been since this morning. He was out all night, and came stumbling in around three a.m., yelling and laughing rather loudly. Brian came to sleep with me because of him.

My feet carry me to the bathroom, and I grab some painkillers before filling a cup of water in the kitchen. When I talk to him, he needs to be sober and focused. It wouldn't be impossible, just difficult. I set the items on the coffee table, clearing away all the beer bottle and cigarettes after. Seeing as he won't be up for at least another hour, I try to straighten up as much as possible. That keeps me distracted enough.

The living room looks cleaner than it has been in a long time when he starts to stir. A groan erupts from him as my father rubs his eyes, sitting up. He looks around, as I sit on a chair. Peter takes time looking at me, then glances at the painkillers and water. I nod, motioning for him to take it.

He does, chugging the water down then groaning. "What do you want?"

"I need you to sober up for two days."

My direct reply makes him chuckle, sitting back. "And why would I do that?"

Biting my cheek I take a deep breath. "Not that you've noticed, but Emily has been in the infirmary for a few days. She has schizophrenia." I give him a few moments to register what I said. My father was very aware my mother had the illness, but, in my eyes, it was never that severe. "They are releasing her tomorrow, at noon. I don't know if I can make it, beause of training. But it wouldn't matter if it was just me. They need your signature. You just have to sign the paper, then take your daughter to Natalie Eaton's. Right next to us."

"And why would I do any of this?" Peter spits.

"Because the government will get involved. And child neglect is something frowned upon, even in the Dauntless. Unless you would like to be thrown in with the factionless, I suggest you do what you're supposed to do."

His jaw sets, and he stares me dead in the eye. He intimidates me, he does. And he knows it. But he also know I'm right. So he shakes his head. "Fine. Fine! I'll stay sober for tomorrow. Don't say I never do anything for you ungrateful kids," Peter looks away.

"How could I ever?" I mutter, standing up and walking out the door.

. . .

"The initiates seem pretty out of it." Nat admits, looking at them all in the cafeteria. I twist my body so I can see, as well.

"Yeah, that simulation broke a lot of them. They were a lot worse." I say, turning backad picking at my food. Inside, I scream that she drops the topic, but she persists on.

"How did you do? I remember completely freaking out. My Dad had to call my Mom. I was a mess." She laughs at the memory, taking a sip of her water.

"Mine went, well, as good as it gets." I lied. Her own father warned me not to tell anyone, would that include the people closest to me? What could be so wrong with having more than one result?

I clear my throat, pushing the tray away. "So, can I sleep at your place tonight? Brian is going to be at his friend's again, so it'll just be me. And I really don't like it when I'm the only home." My fingers comb my hair to my side. Nat shrugs, her gaze averting to her food.

Patiently, I wait for her respose. "I guess. It'll be fun. We can just gossip and even make food. Oh! Why don't we go get tattoos? Since I work there, I can give you one for free."

Out of confusion, my nose crinkles, and I cock my head to the side. What an odd offer, especially from Nat. I never pegged her for the slumber party type, but this day couldn't get any weirder, I guess. Spending just a few minutes in the landscape, Four warning me, Damien inviting me to a small get together, Peter actually agreeing to be sober. This will probably be the most realistic thing that's happened the whole day.

Her voice snaps me back as she continues to ramble. "You could get a star and I could get a moon or even the sun! Oh! The moon and sun would be so cool and-"

"Nat," I interuppted her. "I already have a tattoo."

Her eyes widen. "Since when?"

"Since last year. Right, here." After moving my hair out the way, I push my right ear out the way, showing a tiny anchor hidden. She admires it for a short time, asking why that certain marking. "I don't know, just, when I see it, it just reminds me of strength. I figured if I got it I would somehow be stronger-"

"Hey, guys. What's up?" A familiar voice cuts me off, as Nat's brother sits down next to her, picking a fry off her tray. She rolls her eyes and he smiles. "Nat, I have been looking for you _everywhere." _he exaggerates on the last word. "I need a favor."

"What?" She growls, slapping his hand away as he tries to get another fry.

He takes in a deep breath, then exhaling. "I need to crash at your place."

"Wha- no!"

"Just hear me out." he begs, and I watch the sibling argumet unraveling. "I'm going to be home late, and I don't want to hear Mom or Dad lecture me."

"Dam-"

"I covered for you all the time when you still lived there. Did I not?"

She groans. "But Alyssa is already staying with me-"

I shake my head, stopping her. "It's fine. Maybe we could hang out another day." For reassurence, I send a soft smile, but under the table I play with my sleeves.

"Lyss-"

"I'll be right next door."

She sighs in defeat, and I keep a smile on my face to show it doesn't bother me. It really doesn't. Damien is her brother, he should be put first. But, he doesn't seem to think that way, because he shakes his head. "No, that's not fair."

"It's fine." I try.

"No, we can both sleep there tonight. I'll just stay away and not bother you guys."

His sister nods excitedly, her smile widening to the highest extent. "I'm down with it. Lyss?"

As I glance over at him, I try to think of a million excuses as to why I can't, but hope is flooded in his eyes as they both eagerly wait for my response. My heart skips a beat as he smiles, and I give up, raising my hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. I'm in."

"Yes! How about I walk to Nat's later and drop off my stuff and then we can walk to the chasm together?" Damien asks, standing up from the seat, his eyes never losing mine. I simply nod, and he walks away, to a different table.

"Okay, now I'm really not letting you two go near each other tonight, what was that all about?" Nat asks, and I quirk an eyebrow.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Nope. I don't. Hey, isn't your break over?"

She checks her watch, quickly standing up and running out. Not before shouting, "We'll talk about this later!"

**(A/N) okay, last update for the night, i promise.**

**goodnight! favorite, review, all that boring stuff. **

**BYEYYE**

**p.s. i didn't proofread so don't give me shit about my terrible grammar**

**-Julissa**


	15. Chapter 15

I pushed the door open, letting Brian go through first. He had just gotten off the train, and planned to pack for his night stay at his friends. After closing the door, I joined him in his room, where he scrambled around. Deciding to let him do it on his own, I sat down on his bed, watching him intently.

"You know you're only going for a day, right?" My question made him stop, shaking his head.

"Better safe than sorry. What if I need this? Or this? Even this!" The child held up various objects to clarify his statement. I had to keep in a chuckle, because he was being serious. My hand flew to my mouth, and I cleared my throat.

"Sorry. Of course, Brian. Take whatever you need." He resumed his actions, and I walked out, leaving him in peace. As I do, I run into someone coming out the other room. Peter groggily asks what time it is, and I answer him. 'We're you asleep this whole time?"

"Got to stay sober someway." His response was bitter, and I looked down. Even when he wasn't intoxicated, he himself scared me. Peter might be my father, but after the things he's done to me, I don't think I can even consider him that. Between him and his friends, they ruined my childhood, snatched it right from my fingers. I don't think I could ever forgive him, not for that.

Peter pushes past me, walking to the kitchen. Brian comes out, seeing me and smiling. I return the gesture, putting my hand on his shoulder and lead him to the living room, where he slips on his black shoes. As he does this, our father calls from his spot, "Where are you going?"

My brother freezes, hurrying to get his shoes on. I lean down to meet his level, rubbing his shoulder in a comforting manner. "Go wait for me in the hallway, okay?" Reluctantly, he nods and I go to explain things to Peter. "Brian is going to his friends for the night. I'm staying next door. I'm just going to drop him off, then come back and get ready."

He scoffs, pouring himself some water. "Ready for what?"

I wrap my arms around myself, feeling smaller than I was a few seconds ago. "A friend invited me to celebrate at the chasm."

"A boy?"

I go to speak, opening my mouth, but nothing comes out. Finding no reply, I just nod, my gaze averting to my shoes. Peter walks toward me, eyeing me down. I refuse to look up, to look into the deep, menacing eyes of my father. But I gasp when he takes hold of my wrist, speeding tightly. "If one day you come home knocked up, don't expect me to help you in anyway. Got it?" When I don't say anything, he squeezes harder. "Answer me. I am your father, and you obey me."

"Yes," I breathe. He let's go, and I cradle my wrist, waiting for him to leave. When I hear his bedroom door close, I take a look at the bruise, seeing a dark purple forming. There's nothing for me to do, so I go back to Brian, in the hallway.

"Are you okay?" He asks, fear filling his blue eyes. "Lyss, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Brian." I sniffle, forcing a smile. "I'm promise. Let's get you to your friend's okay? Then when you get home tomorrow, Emily will be home."

He reaches up to grab my hand, my good hand. "Okay."

. . .

After dropping him off, I locked myself in my room, putting as much space between me and Peter as possible. It's been at least two hours, and I should probably start packing, but I laid on my bed, curling myself into a ball. It was quiet, and I assumed he was asleep. How badly I wanted him to be asleep.

"Alyssa!" He yelled, pushing at the door. "Open up, now." Because of his tone, I quickly obliged, meeting the eyes that matched my own. Though, mine held fear and pain. His had nothing but anger.

"Yes?" I said meekly.

In a flash, a picture frame was thrown in my face. "What the hell is this doing in the living room?"

It took a moment to remember. While cleaning, I may have put out the only photograph we had in this house. It was the only one left with my mother. I had only been a few years old, at the time, not really having any memory of the time. But all I know is we were happy back then. The three of us. It was as if she were binded us tpgether, but now, things are different.

"I found it, and I thought-"

"You thought what?" Peter pestered.

"I thought it would be nice to see it-" my voice was cut off as he suddenly flung the frame at my wall, glass shattering everywhere. It caught me off guard and I stared in shock. But I found myself making my way towards it, bending down and picking it up, dusting away the glass. Tears brimmed at my face, and I shook my head. "I hate you."

"Excuse me?" His footsteps neared closer. "You _hate_ me?"

I was too focused on the picture to answer. But when he shoves me, I explode. "I hate everything you've become. How do you think she would've felt about you? About what you do?"

"You can't talk to me like that-"

"You can't treat me this way! I shouldn't be scared of my father! Scared that that could kill me one day, and neither should your other children!" I raise my voice, waiting for his reaction. His face grows red and I doubt mine looked any different.

"Because of me you have a roof over your head!"

"Yeah, and because of you, I was raped! How could you just sit in the other room while your friend touched me and took my virginity? How could you just ignore my screams and cries and how could you turn into this person that she would hate too-"

A sharp pain on my left cheek interrupted me. My head flew to the side, in shock. Instantly, I cupped my cheek. The pain was temporarily numb, but soon it all rushed in at once. Slowly, I turned to him, avoiding his gaze.

Peter hissed, "Never talk like that to me. And never talk about her."

As sudden as he came, he was gone. Once again, I was alone in my room, biting my lip to keep the tears in. I can just imagine the handprint embedded in my skin, and how it would raise questions. Thousand of thoughts ran through my mind, but I just grabbed a bag, starting to pack for tonight.

"Who are you?"

I heard Peter ask, and I stood still, listening.

"Uh, I'm Damien. Is Alyssa here?"

My eyes widen, and I run out, to the living room, just as my father yells, "Hey, that boy is here!" I stand next to Peter, and Damien turns to me, smiling.

"Ready?"

I nod, trying to hide my cheek with my hair. Peter walks off, slamming his bedroom door, leaving me standing there awkwardly in the doorway. I rub my wrist, that one that's bruised, pulling my sleeve down. Damien looks down, rocking back and forth on his heel. But I take a deep breath. "Let's go."

**(A/N) nothing really important to say... so yeah.**

**-Julissa**


	16. Chapter 16

I made sure to stay on his left, and not look up at him. The walk was quiet, and I was beginning to have my doubts. Well, I had always had them, but as we got closer and closer to the chasm, I realized that this was probably a bad idea.

But the familiar ring of roaring waters seemed to be the only thing I heard, which was unusual for a Dauntless celebration. No laughter, no swearing, and when we finally reached our destination, no people.

"Damien," I tugged on his forearm, looking around. "Are you sure we're supposed to be here?"

He chuckled lightly at my paranoia. "Yeah, that might have been just a lie to get you here." He admits, scratching the back of his neck. I snap my head up to look at him, confusion written all over my face.

"I-I don't understand."

Damien smiled nervously. "Well, I guess you could say it was a lame attempt to get you alone."

His words make my stomach twist. Alone as in, _alone,_ alone? Like, just the two of us? Alone, together? Obviously, this friends thing is new to me, but this action is on a totally different level. How am I supposed to respond to this?

I stare at him blankly, as he grows worried. "Oh," was all I could manage, followed by an awkward silence. My fingers rub against each other, and I pull down my sleeve to cover the bruise when he suddenly tilts my chin to face him. Damien's touch was warm and he grazes my cheek. For a moment, I think he's going to kiss me, but then his question proves my theory wrong.

"Did someone _hit _you?"

I start to stammer, pushing his hand away, and covering up the mark that I had so easily disregarded. Thinking of an explanation made things harder, and his expectancy for an answer made things worse.

Finally, he just cuts me off. "You didn't have that earlier. Did your Dad do this?" Not so subtly, he clenched his fists at his side.

"I- it- no- it's not what it looks likes, it was an accident." I tried desperately.

"Who accidently slaps their daughter across the face?!"

"Its not a big deal. He knew it was wrong. My father promised he wouldn't do it again. I'm fine." I said, but I don't think I convinced him. "Damien, please. Believe me."

He shook his head. "I do believe you. I just, don't like it." I look down, hoping I could hide the shame as he walks past me, stepping down to the first ledge. Then he turns around, holding his hand out. "You coming."

There was a hint of excitement in his voice, but most of it was masked by anger from our previous conversation. Still, I allowed him to help me down, where we rested at the bottom, on a ground made of rock with the water falling next to us. Drops of it spinkled my face, and I wiped them off, sitting on a rock a few feet away.

Damien sat next to me, but avoided my gaze. Because of that, I stared at my feet, hugging my knees to my chest. It was a few minutes of silence that made me snap. "Why?"

He actually looked at me. "What?"

"Why don't you like it?"

A sigh escaped his lips, followed by a shrug. "I just don't think you should get hurt, Lyss."

"But yet you went along with the tormenting just like all the others all those years." I said quietly.

"I didn't go along with it. I had told them I didn't like it, and I tried my best to get them to quit. But, they don't listen to me. And I'm sorry."

After pushing a strand of hair behind my ears, I looked at him. "For what?"

"Not being your friend sooner." He whispered, glancing at my lips. Then I took notice of his close proximity. Damien slowly moved closer, resting one hand on my jaw while I stood stiff, forcing myself to hold my breath. I could practically feel the warmth of his body, and it lit a fire inside of me. With a new boost of confidence, I leaned in well, my eyes fluttering shut.

His lips pressed against mine, and slowly, yet gently, he kissed me. I responded immediately. It was short, and after a few seconds, ended with him pulling away and looking to the side. I opened my eyes to see Damien smiling at me, and I returned it. For once in my life, that smile was genuine.

. . .

Nat was laying on her couch holding a mug of some drink in her hand when we walked in. She looked over her shoulder with a smile, and stood up, wrapping a dark blue blanket around her while walking towards us.

"About time you guys come! I was beginning to think someone threw you in the chasm."

"Yeah, haha, Nat. I'm gonna go take a shower. Feel free to do your common, girl things that I will have absolutely nothing to do with." Damien says, walking away with his bag.

My eyes trailed behind him, as I bit my lip. I didn't realize I was staring until Nat cleared her throat. "Nothing going on?" She smirked.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

**(A/N) so I meant to update this sooner, but I couldn't**

**But IT FINLLY HAPPENEED! WOW! THEY KISSED AHHHH!**

**Okay let me explain that things are going to be different in this book, such as the initiation and such. I'm trying to keep it as similar to the book as possible, but because this is like twenty years into the future, I'm pretty sure Erudite would've made some technology advancements so yeah.**

**Thanks, review, favorite, follow, blah blah blah.**

**~Julissa**


	17. (AN) IMPORTANT

Ok, this isn't an update because I'm honestly so stuck! Yes, writer's block again. I've been trying to write the next chapter but then I realized, now I have to figure out Alyssa's fears.

So then I decided to turn to you.

Two questions, are you ready?

1) How many fears should Alyssa have?

2) What are a few fears she should have?

If you answer these it will help me a lot and I can update sooner so please please please give me some feedback!

Thank you! Love you!

-Julissa


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